Just one glance, one tiny look and time has swallowed me whole.
I'm in the belly of the whale, my small craft is capsizing,
memories flooding.
But I'm a good swimmer it will take more,
more than a scar to drowned me.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I wish I could remember to remind myself to never-mind the rest, but the rest is easier for my mind to recall.
Easier than the memory of the second, the moment, the many many moments where I say it is all for good and the powers that be, will surly remember me.
Sadly, I forget to remember to remind the me that truly believes, "never mind the rest".
Because the rest just remembers far too fondly.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Cycle of Love and Life
When I'm in it, it is hard to see it. Hard to feel the magic, but when I step out, even if only for a moment, I get caught again. Drawn back in again. Back to where I can't feel it, and so the cycle continues...maybe that's the magic.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Last Year's Tulips
May 5th 2008
It has struck me many times while living in the “real world” this past year or so, that there are a lot for things I do not understand about people. In fact, there have been a lot of things that have made me question the direction of mankind as a whole. I feel like I have my head screwed on straight when it comes to humanity and the general goodness of people. Yet, I feel like I very frequently (way more often then I like to), have to reassure myself that all people have good in them. I also have to often tell myself that getting worked up over other people’s poor decisions, that actually have little to do with me, is stupid and pointless.
I have a very strong tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve. My emotions love to hang out right on the tip of my tongue, which in many situations is not very good places for them to be. I have always, always been this way. Even before I could talk I have been this way, I am genuine and true, and sometimes this comes in handy. But unfortunately for me I have also always been very strong minded, opinionated, and overly concerned about the way other people act, eat, dress, work, live, and love. This paired with my need to express myself is a truthful, but lethal combination.
Ever since I could speak sentences, speaking sentences has gotten me in trouble. I have tried to subdue my aggressive desire to speak out my judgements and opinions and will continue to try, but this control does not come easily for me. As I have gotten older the petty things like style, fashion, weight, attractiveness, athletic ability have started to become less important to me (as they should). However, I still get very upset and worked up about the big stuff like work ethic, honesty (or lack there of), theft, parenting, education, racism, sexism and overall unnecessary mistreatment of anything.
On so many days I feel bogged down by the morons of this city and on so many days I feel irritated (I might have a rage issue) with the robotic ways of the disengaged public. On so many days I have to remind myself over and over that people are good, and it is all going to be okay. On so many days this battle in my head goes on, but not today! Not today.
TODAY, I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE!!!! Two- not one, but two random strangers have reminded me that people are good. They always have been and always will be!
The first of these two stories happened as I sat outside on this wonderful day reading my book during my lunch hour. A slickster salesman walking with his business buddies. He was middle aged and wearing a very handsome suit. He stopped in mid conversation, took out his iphone, and took a picture of all the beautiful tulips that were, marvelously, out in full bloom. His friends laughed at him, and he said with a smile, “What? They are pretty and my wife loves tulips!” So it turns out those phone/mini machines are good for something after all!
The second person to remind me that good exists all around us was also a man, a little bit older, and walking by himself. He stopped, not knowing anyone was watching him, and he hung about oddly as if he were going to do something terrible (like rob Starbucks at gunpoint or something). He moved slowly and oddly with a strange look on his face. Then he inched around paused to see if anyone was watching him and touched one of the tulips. Then he caught my eye- turns out someone was watching him!- and he made an embarrassed caught in the act face.
He didn’t take the tulip, which made me laugh, but just the fact that he was deliberating so over weather taking one of those gorgeous flowers would be right or wrong proved to me people are good. And that the beauty of nature compels us all to feel the love that is always floating about around us. I wish I would have said, “I won’t tell, take it, give it to her or keep it for yourself…I promise I won’t tell.” But even though I didn’t speak up fast enough, I was happy that he wanted to take a flower. And even though it would not have bothered me*, I was happy he decided that it would not be right.
How splendid! Spring is in the air!
* I usually do not condone stealing in any way, but sometimes when there are 50 ba-jillion-million flowers that the city paid for, it is ok to take one or twelve…But only if you counteract your guilt by making someone else smile. Stealing is bad with the exception to, flower picking, dance moves, your best friend’s lip gloss!
I have a very strong tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve. My emotions love to hang out right on the tip of my tongue, which in many situations is not very good places for them to be. I have always, always been this way. Even before I could talk I have been this way, I am genuine and true, and sometimes this comes in handy. But unfortunately for me I have also always been very strong minded, opinionated, and overly concerned about the way other people act, eat, dress, work, live, and love. This paired with my need to express myself is a truthful, but lethal combination.
Ever since I could speak sentences, speaking sentences has gotten me in trouble. I have tried to subdue my aggressive desire to speak out my judgements and opinions and will continue to try, but this control does not come easily for me. As I have gotten older the petty things like style, fashion, weight, attractiveness, athletic ability have started to become less important to me (as they should). However, I still get very upset and worked up about the big stuff like work ethic, honesty (or lack there of), theft, parenting, education, racism, sexism and overall unnecessary mistreatment of anything.
On so many days I feel bogged down by the morons of this city and on so many days I feel irritated (I might have a rage issue) with the robotic ways of the disengaged public. On so many days I have to remind myself over and over that people are good, and it is all going to be okay. On so many days this battle in my head goes on, but not today! Not today.
TODAY, I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE!!!! Two- not one, but two random strangers have reminded me that people are good. They always have been and always will be!
The first of these two stories happened as I sat outside on this wonderful day reading my book during my lunch hour. A slickster salesman walking with his business buddies. He was middle aged and wearing a very handsome suit. He stopped in mid conversation, took out his iphone, and took a picture of all the beautiful tulips that were, marvelously, out in full bloom. His friends laughed at him, and he said with a smile, “What? They are pretty and my wife loves tulips!” So it turns out those phone/mini machines are good for something after all!
The second person to remind me that good exists all around us was also a man, a little bit older, and walking by himself. He stopped, not knowing anyone was watching him, and he hung about oddly as if he were going to do something terrible (like rob Starbucks at gunpoint or something). He moved slowly and oddly with a strange look on his face. Then he inched around paused to see if anyone was watching him and touched one of the tulips. Then he caught my eye- turns out someone was watching him!- and he made an embarrassed caught in the act face.
He didn’t take the tulip, which made me laugh, but just the fact that he was deliberating so over weather taking one of those gorgeous flowers would be right or wrong proved to me people are good. And that the beauty of nature compels us all to feel the love that is always floating about around us. I wish I would have said, “I won’t tell, take it, give it to her or keep it for yourself…I promise I won’t tell.” But even though I didn’t speak up fast enough, I was happy that he wanted to take a flower. And even though it would not have bothered me*, I was happy he decided that it would not be right.
How splendid! Spring is in the air!
* I usually do not condone stealing in any way, but sometimes when there are 50 ba-jillion-million flowers that the city paid for, it is ok to take one or twelve…But only if you counteract your guilt by making someone else smile. Stealing is bad with the exception to, flower picking, dance moves, your best friend’s lip gloss!
Hey, I am Writing in my Blog Space!
So winter is officially over, which means I guess I need to come out of hibernation!!! I have done some stuff, and writing it is hopefully going to make me feeling like the gears are actually moving.
I decided to travel
I quit my job
I got like 5 new jobs
I quit another job
I quit another job
I re fell in love with my love
I had a party
I saw my brother play baseball
I got my nails done
I moved
I saw Legally Blonde the Musical
I fought the Man
I fought the Banker
I won both fights
I got my bike tires stolen
I quit coffee
I started coffee again
I had party at our new place
I am getting there! Writing it out really does make me able to feel the gradual progression. Slow, but true I am getting there.
I arrived here on a balloon and that is exactly how I intend to leave!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
QQyou QQme QQ Bubble Tea
I love QQ and QQ loves me! QQ in my mouth and I will QQ on your... Bubble Tea you complete me! Stick with QQ and bubble tea will stick with you you. Take a sip on BT and your as sexy as JT.
Those are some examples of the testimonials people have written on the walls of QQ Bubble Tea, but I prefer to keep it simple.
QQ+HS=<3
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Get Wilde
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry. Their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
Not to totally prove him right with irony, but I was just thinking this same exact thing. I swear I didn't know it was already a quote, but come on these days there is not much you can say or think that hasn't already been said or thought before.
I want my passions to stand on their own without a quotation surrounding. I would like if my thoughts were my own even though most likely, they were already somebody else's. And it would not hurt me if in the end of all ends someone were to say, "that Haley Stewart was truly her own person!" In present time to be original means you have to really be doing something nuts, yet that is all I hope for my life!
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